December 2011
16 posts
20th - 30th
Back to where half of my roots are.
“If you can’t make your mind up We’ll never get started And I don’t wanna end up Being parted, broken-hearted
So if you really love me Say yes, but if you don’t dear, confess And please don’t tell me Perhaps perhaps perhaps”
— Doris Day
A queer and contented feeling — realizing that you are exactly at where you want and need to be.
The middleman. I am caught in the middle of crossfire as I desperately run for cover to shield me, realizing quickly that there is none. Both sides drag me out, wanting me to witness the brutal scene, without realizing that ultimately I’m the one who takes a bullet. Each side does a brilliant soliloquy — yes, a soliloquy. I am the sole audience. Saddened, and unable to leave this...
It is some kind of bliss to be sleeping lightly as the warm light hits your face, and the morning breeze sends your curtains flapping, surrounding you with morning goodness. I get a perfect view of the bluish white sky from my bed — it’s as if I’m lying in the middle of a field with my head at the perfect tilted angle. The lawn mowers downstairs generate a comforting buzz. I...
Noah: They didn't agree on much. In fact they rarely agreed on anything. They fought all the time and they challenged each other everyday...
Young Noah: [Allie and Young Noah are fighting] Don't push me! [Allie pushes Young Noah anyway]
Noah: ...But in spite of their differences, they had one important thing in common, they were crazy about each other.
“So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re...”
– Noah, The Notebook
怎么办，我想我快没有力气了。
Can everything get any worse? Yes it can. Don’t take me lightly, it isn’t what I want, nor is it what I need. As long as my heart and mind are in the right place amidst all the wrong, I can handle it all with considerable elegance and sophistication. There is no need for falsities. I took a wrongly calculated step. I’m sorry we got off the wrong footing.
Wrong move.
I spend all my time trying to fix others. Then who will fix me back into my entirety?
I’ve a massive throbbing headache. This fucking place is in the ruins. And I’m helpful but helpless in every single way. I am hardened by each fiasco and obstacle. I will bend to become stronger but I will never break. But one day I will be so numb, so tough, so hardened I will turn to stone. And the only way to get to me is to use a chisel to chip it away, or use a hammer to break me...
You would think after centuries of Mankind, we would get better and better at living our lives. You’d think we would learn from mistakes of the past, you’d think we would have greater hearts. But we were all wrong. We didn’t become better humans, we got better at becoming monsters instead.
November 2011
9 posts
For the first time in the longest time, my head has never been clearer, my steps never more solid, and my heart never more settled. This feeling of being and doing exactly what I want to and meant to — I find myself closing my eyes to savor the moment whenever I have it. It’s as if I’m forever watching myself from afar, eagle-eyed, and as of late I like what I am seeing. But if...
Are you happy with who you are? Or were you not happy with what you were, so you’ve become what you are? In any case, as long as you are happy. As long as you are happy.