February 2012
17 posts
Korkuyorum
“You say that you love rain, but you open your umbrella when it rains… You say that you love the sun, but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines… You say that you love the wind, But you close your windows when the wind blows… This is why I am afraid; You say that you love me too…”
Translated from a Turkish poem
We can hate the people we love so much.
All this chaos, all these pathetic shows of mockery, of agitation, all these door-slamming, hell-raising episodes. I cringe as a helpless audience, having been forcefully pushed into the theatre by the ticketing man. Yes, I cringe and I cringe and I clench my fists, all I want is to get out of this shabbily put together play. Alas, as I make my way to the exit, in the name of some experimental...
6.23pm
Basking in the dusk, as the colors slowly fade into evening, as my room dims in preparation for the night. My room is filled with the Samskeyti (Acoustic) by Sigur Rós, and with the highs and lows of the notes I am overcome with a certain somethingness I do not know. What I am certain of is I have found back my center of calm, a definitive core of happiness and peace. The road ahead excites me,...
1 tag
Kitchen thrills
Macaroni and Cheese at 1am on Friday, after I got home and went out again on a post-midnight supermarket run. Absolute comfort food. Couldn’t resist it again last night and made minor tweaks — lessened the amount of milk, and spent more time reducing the sauce. It was excellent the second time round! Slowly building my repertoire of what I am able to cook; my pasta dishes currently...
“And then she frowned, and shook her head, then put her arms around him once more, pressing her face into his shoulder, making a noise that sounded almost like rage. ‘What’s up?’ he asked. ‘Nothing. Oh, nothing. Just…’ She looked up at him. ‘I thought I’d finally got rid of you.’ ‘I don’t think you can.’ he said.”
...
There are many things that I want, very few that I need. They are much less the sine qua non of life, but very much the greed.
I don’t think we can ever walk away unscathed.
10 02 2012
I am a very, very lucky girl :’)
“Don’t allow your wounds to transform you into someone you are not.”
– Paulo Coelho I live by this.
Look at our spool of wool. Look at how tangled, how complicated it is. Look at how many knots have formed, how much patience it must take to disentangle them all. I think many people would have chosen to leave it as that. We are one of them. Look at it, multi-colored along its strings, some parts dyed dark, some as brilliant as the sun. Some parts are fraying, some as tight as can be. I think we...
Time like water, it drowns us all Time like our folly, into which we fall Time like a blanket, it covers our pain Time like a historian, digs it up again
My face pressed against
Your denim shirt.
Saturday
It has been a really, really, really lovely January!
This journey is not made out of days. It is not made out of monotonous routine, constant grouses and occasional happiness. This journey is not meant for us to merely cruise along the waters, taking in the sights, but never getting out to swim in the cold waters or to walk the cobbled streets on foot. This journey is not made out of days as if there were millions of them strung together, as if one...
It seems as though it is nearly impossible to completely escape the banality of life. Just when you think you’ve walked far away from the things that are really unimportant; a misstep, a glance backwards, a moment caught unawares and you are pulled back. You are back swimming in the things that are trivial yet somehow manage to take over your life. It is completely unnecessary, but it...
“I’m not a stop along the way. I’m a destination.” — Blair, Gossip Girl
January 2012
18 posts
Lunar
Nothing gives more warmth than the company of people I love this rainy lunar new year. I know that I am incredibly lucky to have family who has grown up together with me — from pretending to be little mermaids, playing hide and seek, to fully grown children. We have gone into our twenties, with the age-stragglers already in their teens. Nothing quite says as much as us in a car, occupying 2...
So much faith, so much conviction — but courage, almost none.
Someone once told me that leopards don’t really change their spots. That Man is anything but kind. I was disbelieving, insisting on looking at the world through my rose-tinted glasses. But I’ve since learnt the lesson from the very same person who truly practiced what he preached.
“When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you
If your heart is in your dream
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do
Fate is kind
She brings those who love
The sweet fulfillment
Of their secret longing
Like a bolt out from the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a...
Spring
First week of the Spring term! Professors, modules and my timetable are amazing! Professor Robert Armstrong for Business and Professional Communication. He’s so funny and the lessons are so interesting. My motivation to wake up at an ungodly time in the morning, squeeze into the bus / cab pool with random strangers and arrive in lesson in style.. not disheveled. I hope I can take his...
Wonderful 4 days’ worth of spontaneity. Keep up the good feelings!
How do I feel?
I feel good feelings and endless hopes. I feel big, lovely dreams. I feel my head in the clouds and my two steady feet on the ground. I feel the warmth of the sunshine and the cold of the night. I feel songs tugging on my heartstrings, I feel words making magic. I feel the peace in solitude. I feel the adrenaline in crowds. I feel the weight of memories. I feel the urge for new ones. I feel...
“May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope...”
– Neil Gaiman
3：05
三点零五分 安静的时刻 回想着那一个 我上了爱的一课 但我还是不懂 还是不会 那课的最后一页 怎么放下来 怎么忘记 怎么在深夜的时候不想起你 怎么抛开伤心 我的不甘心 撤撤底底的重新 好想好想 收拾心情 收拾行李 一走了之 厌倦熟悉 厌倦世俗 厌倦了你的自私 突然觉得 我们让彼此好累 最后都变颓废 以前牵着手 现在握握手 这笔账永远不能勾销 就一直欠着我 但希望最终 这些已不再重要
Boxes
Packed my cupboard on a whim (and out of need) and I opened the 2 boxes where I put all the notes, letters and trinkets I’ve received. I always knew I liked to hoard stuff, but I never knew I kept air tickets, booklets of events I organized, some movie stubs.. and even scraps of paper which people used to write stuff on for me. It was cathartic to read all these words from years ago, with...
Dinner, dessert and delightful discourse.
2012
Maybe this time the stars will align And we’ll all be fine
December 2011
16 posts
20th - 30th
Back to where half of my roots are.
“If you can’t make your mind up We’ll never get started And I don’t wanna end up Being parted, broken-hearted
So if you really love me Say yes, but if you don’t dear, confess And please don’t tell me Perhaps perhaps perhaps”
— Doris Day
A queer and contented feeling — realizing that you are exactly at where you want and need to be.
The middleman. I am caught in the middle of crossfire as I desperately run for cover to shield me, realizing quickly that there is none. Both sides drag me out, wanting me to witness the brutal scene, without realizing that ultimately I’m the one who takes a bullet. Each side does a brilliant soliloquy — yes, a soliloquy. I am the sole audience. Saddened, and unable to leave this...
It is some kind of bliss to be sleeping lightly as the warm light hits your face, and the morning breeze sends your curtains flapping, surrounding you with morning goodness. I get a perfect view of the bluish white sky from my bed — it’s as if I’m lying in the middle of a field with my head at the perfect tilted angle. The lawn mowers downstairs generate a comforting buzz. I...
Noah: They didn't agree on much. In fact they rarely agreed on anything. They fought all the time and they challenged each other everyday...
Young Noah: [Allie and Young Noah are fighting] Don't push me! [Allie pushes Young Noah anyway]
Noah: ...But in spite of their differences, they had one important thing in common, they were crazy about each other.
“So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re...”
– Noah, The Notebook
怎么办，我想我快没有力气了。
Can everything get any worse? Yes it can. Don’t take me lightly, it isn’t what I want, nor is it what I need. As long as my heart and mind are in the right place amidst all the wrong, I can handle it all with considerable elegance and sophistication. There is no need for falsities. I took a wrongly calculated step. I’m sorry we got off the wrong footing.
Wrong move.
I spend all my time trying to fix others. Then who will fix me back into my entirety?
I’ve a massive throbbing headache. This fucking place is in the ruins. And I’m helpful but helpless in every single way. I am hardened by each fiasco and obstacle. I will bend to become stronger but I will never break. But one day I will be so numb, so tough, so hardened I will turn to stone. And the only way to get to me is to use a chisel to chip it away, or use a hammer to break me...
You would think after centuries of Mankind, we would get better and better at living our lives. You’d think we would learn from mistakes of the past, you’d think we would have greater hearts. But we were all wrong. We didn’t become better humans, we got better at becoming monsters instead.
November 2011
9 posts
